A recent Dear Abby column was all about whether former spouses should or should not be included in an obituary. Some tips:
Whether an ex is named in a paid death notice placed by the family (the classified ad obituary) is a matter of personal preference. A news obituary article written by a reporter will include the names of former spouses, whether separated by death or divorce.
As a matter of historical research, including biological parents as well as step-parents is a valuable addition to an obituary.
Whether to mention a divorced spouse’s name is the right of the surviving family to decide the contents of the obituary.
As Carolyn Gilbert, founder of the International Association of Obituarists noted, the obit can be a valuable record for future generations to trace family history and genealogy, listing details such as mother’s maiden names, names of children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews. Historians and social scientists also rely on obits to collect information.
This also applies to future generations. The more you say, the more you pay, but it may be worth the extra words for the family record of lineage.
Gilbert explained, “We are getting accustomed to reading obituaries that do not name the next generation. If the next generation is not named, then when a family or funeral home is following the pattern they see, they will typically not name them.”
Something to think about, whether preserving a history of past relationships or keeping a record for the next generation.
Filed under: 30 Day Challenge | Tags: 30 Day Challenge, funerals, memorial services, religion
My 30 Funerals in 30 Days Challenge has come to a close. As the Grateful Dead song goes, what a long strange trip it’s been. Here are a few statistics about the 30 events:
The funeral for the oldest person was a 98-year-old woman; the youngest was a 24-year-old man.
I attended events for 16 males and 14 females.
Twelve of the events were funerals with the body present, 18 were memorial services with cremated remains or no body.
Of the places the events were held, 13 were at a house of worship, nine were at a funeral home, and eight were held in other settings, including two at graveside, two in community centers, one at a museum, one at a retreat center, and one at an American Legion hall.
Twelve of the events were celebrations of life which had no religious references or some religion but not a religious service. The religious services included Catholic, Methodist, Presbyterian, Baptist, Evangelical, Lutheran, Greek Orthodox, and Latter-Day Saints (Mormon).
I missed the one Jewish funeral that took place in town during the 30 Day Challenge because I was speaking to a group on funeral planning for those who don’t plan to die at the same time.
Some thoughts about what I witnessed:
The funeral really is for the family and friends closest to the person who died, to offer support to those who grieve. Whether it was a gathering of two dozen people or eight hundred, every event was an opportunity for the community to show their care and express condolences.
Funeral favors are a growing trend. In addition to a file of programs, I collected four rubber wrist bands, one bubble blowing vial, a recipe for lemon meringue pie, a DVD of a musical performance, and a prayer of Mother Teresa.
“Amazing Grace” and “How Great Thou Art” were popular selections at the religious events. I got pretty good at singing them – not bad for a Jewish girl.
The funerals and memorial services covered were picked out of news and classified obituaries that announced the time and date of each event – they were all open to the public. There was one event that I wanted to attend that was held in a private home, but when I called to ask permission to attend and cover, the people there said no. Events were selected based on interesting elements in the obituaries, obtaining a good mix of religions and creative celebrations, trying to keep the male/female ratio even, and whatever event would fit into my schedule that day.
While this was a very worthwhile endeavor, I’ll be glad to reclaim the three hours a day it took to attend and write about each event. I’ll continue to read the obits and cover outstanding funerals or memorial services as they arise.
One thing is for sure: there is no shortage of people dying every day. Thank you for tuning in, and please keep coming back for other great adventures at The Family Plot Blog!
Filed under: 30 Day Challenge, Memorable Life Celebrations | Tags: memorial services, religion
Ah, to be present at your own memorial service! The beautiful soprano voice of Jacquie Walter, MD, 58, was part of a creative memorial service within the outline of the Presbyterian Service of Worship at St. Andrew Church.
Jacquie had already been celebrated by her family back in Minnesota, where she grew up. This was a second memorial service put together by friends in Albuquerque to remember a talented ER doctor, musician, and singer. One lovely touch was a piece of paper inserted into the program with the line “Please share a memory of Jacquie for the family” across the top, so attendees could preserve and offer their stories to her siblings in Minnesota.
Before the service started, a DVD of Jacquie performing with musical partner David Straub was projected on the screen. A pianist provided prelude music, and the Rev. Dr. Frank Yates offered words of welcome and led the call to worship. We sang hymn #464, “Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee,” and Pastor Yates shared scriptures Psalm 121 (I lift my eyes unto the hills…), Ecclesiastes 3 (For everything there is a season…), and John 14 (Do not let your hearts be troubled … in my father’s house there are many dwelling places…).
In his homily, Rev. Yates said, “The end of the journey has a turn in the road we cannot see.” He spoke of the healing Jacquie did with the hands of a physician and the voice of a musician. He also said the end of the journey is filled with song, referencing a passage from Revelation about the world being filled with song eternal, and that Jacquie’s voice has joined in that great choir.
Then several friends got up to provide reflections on Jacquie’s life. Some background, from the program:
Jacquie Walter died peacefully on Sunday, October 10, as she wished, in her own bed with her dogs, Remy and Dulce, and a few close friends at her side. Jacquie had bravely undergone chemo and radiation for her recently diagnosed lymphoma, but the cancer proved too strong…
Jacquie will be remembered for her hospitality, especially her Thanksgiving dinners; her willingness to help strangers; her stubbornness; her legendary dislike of house cleaning, and her ability to make life-long friends. Her loves included her son and her friends, her dogs, her home and gardens, football (always the Minnesota Vikings), bird watching, and camping and hiking. She was also a talented musician who played piano, oboe, and guitar and she sang beautifully. She graced many church choirs with her lovely soprano. She loved being in the spotlight and performing.
Bill Miller said, “Some people sing music, some write music, some are music – Jacquie just lived it in her soul… If angels really do sing, heaven just got a marvelous soprano.” Her friend Monica said, “I know she’s off having an awesome adventure without me, very busy investigating her new world… When my journey in this world is over, I know she will be there waiting with hugs and fill me in on all the details of what I need to know.” Marcia Lewis, who’s known her for 30 years, said “She couldn’t organize laundry, but in the ER she could save lives with grace and precision.”
The St. Andrew Choir, of which Jacquie was a member, sang the anthem “What Wondrous Love Is This,” all recited the Affirmation of Faith, followed by hymn #526, “For All the Saints.” After the pastoral prayer, a recording of Jacquie singing the Lord’s Prayer was played, and it brought tears to everyone’s eyes. The service finished with the commendation, charge and benediction, choral response (Amen!), and postlude music.
At the reception afterward, which featured chocolate raspberry cake (something Jacquie loved), friends distributed two “funeral favors” – a DVD of her musical performance shown before the service, and a copy of a prayer by Mother Teresa, which Jacquie loved to meditate upon.
The calligraphy quote on the front of the program read:
Lord
Support us all the day long,
until the shadows lengthen
and the evening comes,
and the busy world is hushed,
and the fever of life is over,
and work is done.
Then in thy mercy grant us
a safe lodging,
and a holy rest,
and peace at the last.
Amen
May Jacquie Walter continue to sing in the heavenly spheres.
Filed under: 30 Day Challenge, Memorable Life Celebrations | Tags: 30 Day Challenge, memorial services
Peggy Jackson’s lengthy obituary, written by her husband Dave, painted a detailed portrait of a fascinating artist, and it really made me want to attend her memorial service. Unfortunately, no event had been scheduled when this obit ran.
A few weeks later, a short notice appeared saying a memorial for Peggy Jackson, 76, would be held at the Manzano Mesa Multigenerational Center the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I was attracted by the brevity of the announcement, with no other details, unaware that she was the intriguing artist I had read about earlier.
Creative touches were everywhere, reflective of Peggy’s life: the displays of her watercolors, UNM yearbooks from the 1950s opened to the Alpha Delta Pi sorority page, bouquets of flowers that had been artfully arranged by friends, and the cards that featured a photo of Peggy in her studio, attached with a ribbon to another card with a recipe for “Peggy’s Favorite Lemon Meringue Pie” (more on that later).
Her husband Dave told me the family wanted to schedule the memorial service at a time when her students and the grandchildren could attend. The start of the Thanksgiving holiday turned out to be the best opportunity, and the multigenerational center space was available and free.
The event started with a video photo-montage of Peggy’s life, set to songs “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and “What a Wonderful World” as done by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole, “Blue Suede Shoes” by Elvis, and an instrumental. At the end, everyone applauded.
There was a different spirit in this memorial service from others I’ve experienced during the 30 Funerals in 30 Days Challenge. Every speaker was applauded when they finished. They spoke of an independent and adventurous woman who made friends for life, as evidenced by her sorority sisters in attendance. Peggy loved to have a good time holiday decorating, throwing theme parties, and making costumes for Halloween. Pink and turquoise were her favorite colors. She loved to laugh, cook, and live life fully.
The only mention of any religion was the reference to Phillips Brooks, an American Episcopal clergyman who lived in the 1800s, who wrote the following passage Peggy enshrined in her studio:
The ideal life is in our blood and never will be still. Sad will be the day for any man when he becomes contented with the thoughts he is thinking and the deeds he is doing — when there is not forever beating at the doors of his soul, some great desire to do something larger, which he was meant and made to do.
Peggy Jackson knew she wanted to be an artist from her earliest days growing up in Clovis, NM. She received a BA in Art Education in 1956 and became a junior high art teacher. She and husband Dave moved around quite a bit over the years, and everywhere they lived, Peggy painted, took art classes, expanded her range, and her art began to win awards and sell. Some highlights from the obit:
Their home became an art gallery – constantly changing as shows came and paintings sold. It was a cacophony of color and design, of change and innovation, work in progress and by artist friends. It was figurines, pottery, candle sticks, weavings, Navajo rugs, photographs – all of which had a special place (which changed from time to time). And flowers. She loved flowers, growing and painting them. The yard and home was a constantly changing garden and flower display, all placed in a location where their color was highlighted…
Every day when she got out of bed she was thinking about art: what to paint, where to show, what to show. Her house is still an art gallery, not only of Peggy’s paintings but of many other artists’ works. She has been accepted at many juried shows, and her paintings are displayed all over Albuquerque in many public and private collections. She had seven paintings accepted by the New Mexico 1% for the Arts Program that are hanging in public buildings all over New Mexico.
At the end of the service, daughter Melissa thanked everyone for coming and for all of the friends who helped put this creative service together. She said that whenever she wanted to get on mom’s good side, she would make her a lemon meringue pie using lemon Jello brand pudding. For this service, they brought a dozen homemade lemon meringue pies and asked everyone to stay for coffee and a piece of Peggy’s favorite pie.
Usually, I leave these events before the reception, but the pies were right there and they looked so good! I can see why this was Peggy’s favorite. It gave me a chance to thank Dave for allowing me to experience such a warm, creative celebration of life.
Peggy’s ashes will be scattered over the New Mexico areas she loved to paint. May she continue to be a guardian angel for those she loved.
Filed under: 30 Day Challenge, Memorable Life Celebrations | Tags: 30 Day Challenge, funerals
Two things jumped out of the extensive obituary for Louise Ganie Lambert Bundy, 91, in addition to her impressive array of accomplishments: She was born in Salt Lake City into a pioneer family of Mormons, and was an avid Nelson Eddy enthusiast. From the obituary:
Louise spent years inside the Republican political world, including being a Barry Goldwater Delegate at the1964 Republican Convention; she was the first Chairman of the New Mexico Commission on the Status of Women and was the Republican candidate for Secretary of State in New Mexico in 1966 and 1968. She held numerous positions in the federal government, including working with Representative Manuel Lujan, was appointed by President Richard Nixon to the Department of Interior, and continued working in government at the Office of Economic Opportunity, and the Department of Health and Human Services. She was a member of the Reagan-Bush National Committee and President Ronald Reagan’s 1981 Inaugural Committee; she also worked for Project Hope.
In addition to her professional career, Louise was a wife, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. She was a life-long member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and held many callings; Louise was an avid Nelson Eddy enthusiast and helped create the Nelson Eddy Scholarship Fund, thus, in lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the Nelson Eddy Scholarship fund, http://nelsoneddysociety.org/scholarship.htm, or your favorite university’s music department.
The portrait painted by her daughters, a son, and a grandson was of a spunky woman, full of love and adventure, who showed charity begins at home by taking in stray people and helping Vietnamese refugees. She had a penchant for exploring dirt roads, cheering at ball games, and talking to strangers. After eight years of marriage, she had six kids in 11 years, and did everything that she could for her kids, even allowing them to raise farm animals at home. And she was active in politics and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
“Mom was many things, but cuddly was not one of them,” said daughter Ganie Bundy DeHart. She joked about how she grew up watching the TV show “Leave it to Beaver” and wondering why her mom wasn’t like the one played by Barbara Billingsly, who had just died a week before. “It was an alternate universe. Mom had her priorities, and cleaning wasn’t at the top of the list.”
Louise thought recipes were suggestions and replaced ingredients with no thought to consequences, such as exploding chili. She also could hit a baseball with amazing power. She once sent a ball flying that went down the top of a two-story chimney of a house near the vacant field where the kids played.
Her son Phil related how she was fiercely proud of her pioneer heritage. She fought and survived polio as a child. She was a Navy wife, but an Army mom. Her perseverance was his Dad’s embarrassment. During the time the family lived in the Washington, D.C. area, she was an avid Redskins fan. And she was a marvelous singer, a gift she gave to him and he passed on to his children. They returned the favor by performing a special musical number with violins and vocals by family members.
He also joked how Mom would bark “arf-arf” when she saw a handsome actor on TV. First it was Johnny Weismuller in the Tarzan films. Then Ricardo Mantalban in Fantasy Island; Tom Selleck in Magnum, P.I.; and lastly Mark Harmon in NCIS.
And grandson Nate, whom “Grandma L” for some reason always called George, spoke about her pioneer and priestly heritage. He had gone to the hospital with his dad to give her a blessing before she died. He explained how in the Mormon tradition, the ties with our family do not end in this life. There will be a great family reunion for all.
The service featured the singing of several hymns, ending with “God be with you til we meet again.” The LDS church in which the service was held had no ornamentation in the sanctuary, and all images of Jesus in the hallways of the church depicted him speaking with people, not crucified. Louise’s body was present in a closed pine casket, and was taken for burial in the Santa Fe National Cemetery with her husband.
May the memory of Louise Ganie Lambert Bundy live on.
Filed under: 30 Day Challenge, Memorable Life Celebrations | Tags: 30 Day Challenge, funerals
The funeral for Kevin Hayes, whose death at the age of 24 is under investigation, brought home the important role a funeral plays in comforting those who mourn. Rev. John Thurman, who is a professional Christian counselor, gently guided the service, starting by thanking those in attendance for supporting the family on a difficult day in a difficult time.
The funeral home chapel was filled with the contemporaries of a young man who graduated high school in 2004. Kevin’s body was displayed in an open casket of shiny black metal with gold trim, evocative of the locomotives he worked aboard as an engineer for the Burlington Northern & Santa Fe Railroad. The casket was closed before the service started.
The song “When I Get Where I’m Going” by Brad Paisley set the tone with this refrain:
“Yeah when I get where I’m going,
there’ll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles,
I have carried all these years.
And I’ll leave my heart wide open,
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah when I get where I’m going,
Don’t cry for me down here.”
Rev. Thurman offered a prayer asking for God’s comfort, so we could comfort each other, laugh and cry over memories, to help celebrate Kevin’s life and encourage one another. A second song was played, “If I Die Young,” by The Band Perry. I heard this song used at another funeral for a man who died at the age of 30. The refrain:
“If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song”
Rev. Thurman read the obituary information and provided some additional background. Kevin grew up with an autistic brother, and he participated in an autism sibling support group. His role got him an appearance on Good Morning America. He graduated from the National Railroad Academy of Sciences and became a locomotive engineer in 2006.
Attendees were invited to come forward and share their stories and memories of Kevin. A portrait emerged of an engaging, friendly man whose presence could light up a room. He loved working on the railroad and traveling the country. He was goal-driven and wanted to be a movie star, and had spent five months attending high school in California, where he made many friends. He loved sweets, animals, and his parents, especially his mother.
One friend who grew up on the same street said, “I looked up to his ability to see a friend in everyone, and everyone saw a friend in him. That’s a lesson for me.” All of his friends who got up to speak expressed their sorrow to Kevin’s parents.
After open comments, another song was played – “I Hope You Had the Time of Your Life” by Green Day. A video montage of photos of Kevin traced his life through color school portraits, pictures of him in Halloween costumes, as a soccer player, skateboarder, actor, and of he and his friends in California.
Rev. Thurman shared a gratitude list that Kevin had written on October 16, only a month before his death. Among the things on that list were his mom, his autistic brother, his father with Lou Gerhig’s disease, visiting all 48 states, friends, skateboarding, and his Higher Power. Thurman went on to share some scripture from the 36th Psalm, and suggested the mourners find comfort and shelter under God’s wing. He gently encouraged those who had yet to connect with Jesus Christ to do so, and one more song was played, “Safe in the Arms of Jesus.”
At the end, the casket was re-opened so attendees could offer their final goodbyes to Kevin and their condolences to his family. Out in the lobby, a tabletop memorial display included his skateboard, actor’s resume and photos, and an award recognizing his black Ford Mustang Cobra, which was on display right outside the door. The attendees were offered their choice of memorial wristbands, with inscriptions “Remember” “Journey” or “Inspiration.” The funeral was followed by a procession to the cemetery for burial, then a reception at his parents’ home.
Though Kevin Hayes was taken so young, may his star shine bright in heaven.
When the family gathers this Thanksgiving, besides giving thanks for the bounty in your life, take advantage of this face time to talk turkey about end-of-life issues.
Sure, it’s easy to keep it superficial and focus on the football game. But with close relatives you don’t often see, grab the opportunity to have a meaningful discussion. Just as talking about sex won’t make you pregnant, talking about funerals and end-of-life treatment won’t make you dead – and your family will benefit from the conversation.
Surveys indicate most older people say they want to die at home, but an estimated 60% die in a hospital or nursing home setting. People may say their families know what their wishes are, but they haven’t written them down or even talked about it.
Alexandra Drane, co-founder of the nonprofit organization Engage With Grace, created a means to jump start the conversation with The One Slide Project, five key questions that fit on one sheet of paper.
Drane launched the project in 2008 after the death of her sister-in-law “Za” at the age of 32 from cancer. Za almost died in the hospital, but because the family stood up to the system and did what they thought she would have wanted, they took her home. For the first time since she went to the hospital two months earlier, Za was able to hold and love her two-year-old daughter. The next night, Za peacefully died at home.
“What we as a nation need is a process to help minimize the gut-wrenching decisions that so often happen around end-of-life, leaving politics and policy out of it. That way we can all end our lives in the same way we lived them – with intent,” said Drane.
Answering the five questions on this one page can make the difference between fearful confusion and loving knowledge when a family member is hospitalized. The One Slide Project is available for download at www.EngageWithGrace.org.
The five questions are:
• On a scale of 1 to 5, where do you fall on this continuum? (1 being “Let me die in my own bed, without any medical intervention,” 5 being “Don’t give up on me no matter what, try any proven and unproven intervention possible”)
• If there were a choice, would you prefer to die at home, or in a hospital?
• Could a loved one correctly describe how you’d like to be treated in the case of a terminal illness?
• Is there someone you trust whom you’ve appointed to advocate on your behalf when the time is near?
• Have you completed any of the following: written a living will, appointed a healthcare power of attorney, or completed an advance directive?
This Thanksgiving, use these five questions to break the ice about these life and death issues. You won’t regret it.
Filed under: 30 Day Challenge, Memorable Life Celebrations | Tags: memorial services, religion, rituals
The service at the Immanuel Presbyterian Church for Betty Gephart, 96, was first and foremost a worship service. The program called it “A Service of Witness to the Resurrection: Celebrating the Life and New Life of Elizabeth S. Gephart.” She passed away quietly at home on the eve of the 71st wedding anniversary of her marriage to husband Ken, a retired U.S. Air Force colonel.
Betty was an active member of Immanuel Presbyterian Church, where she served as Elder and Deaconess. With a passion for the organ and classical music, she was also an avid supporter of music programs at the church. This service featured lots of organ music – before, during, and after.
The pastor, Rev. David Cameron, led the assembled through the program: the call to worship, hymn #288: “I Sing the Mighty Power of God,” a prayer, Psalm 121 (“I life up my eyes to the hills – from where will my help come?”), hymn #172: “My Shepherd Will Supply My Need,” a musical interlude (more organ music!), and scripture readings from Romans 8:28, 31-37 and Colossians 3:12-15. Reverend Cameron delivered a homily based on those readings that traced the themes from the scriptures to elements of Betty’s life and character.
The obit description covered many of those elements well: A devoted homemaker, she embraced the challenges of military life and its many geographic relocations until settling in Albuquerque in 1956. In addition to her passion for the pipe organ and classical music in general, she pursued other interests with equal enthusiasm: birdwatching, gourmet cooking, rose gardening, and raising and training dogs – but her greatest joy was family and friends, both near and far.
The homily was followed by an affirmation of faith, hymn #467: “How Great Thou Art” (I’m getting pretty good at singing that one), a prayer of thanksgiving, hymn #292: “All Beautiful the March of Days,” a benediction, and the organ postlude, “Finlandia.”
Right in the midst of Psalm 121, a cell phone went off in the purse of a woman sitting directly behind me. It was some kind of musical ditty that wouldn’t stop. She fumbled to find and silence the offending communication device while the pastor frowned and directed a withering stare in my direction. As the next hymn started, I took the opportunity to turn my own phone off under the cover of swelling organ notes. Every funeral and memorial service should start with a gentle reminder to turn cell phones off.
The attendees were invited to greet the Gephart family at a reception in the parlor adjacent to the sanctuary right after the service. Betty’s cremated remains will be interred at the Santa Fe National Cemetery sometime in the future.
May the music of Betty Gephart’s life continue to resonate in the heavenly spheres.
Filed under: 30 Day Challenge, Memorable Life Celebrations | Tags: 30 Day Challenge, memorial services
The memorial service for Ron Sheppeard, 60, started like a 12-step program meeting. A man stood up in front of the crowd at the South Valley Multi-Purpose Center and announced, “Hi. I’m John, and I’m an addict.” Everyone said “Hi, John.” There was a moment of silence, and then the recitation of the Serenity Prayer.
“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”
A large news obituary ran the day before the service, but it was the classified obit that first caught my interest in this memorial event. Part of it read:
As husband, friend, wise counselor, inventor and impresario, Ron was a loving, creative, dynamic force. His commitment to helping addicts find a new way of life drove 32 years of service locally and around the world. An ongoing spiritual quest brought him to Sikh Dharma and later the Tetzkatlipokha tradition. His vampire fang business made him a legend in the costume world. Most recently, Ron was director of Outpatient Addiction Services at Rehoboth-McKinley Behavioral Health in Gallup, NM.
An extended family of blood and choice were gathered to remember and say goodbye to a multidimensional man, and the event reflected his unique qualities. The first half hour focused on comments from family members, then everyone was invited to go eat food and share stories in an adjoining room, or stay and listen to open comments from the attendees. Many of the dishes were prepared from Ron’s recipes.
His wife said that Ron was a kind man who had many issues and helped a lot of people. They had many adventures together over 25 years and both learned a lot, especially in their spiritual seeking. He was feeling good about himself and at peace with God just before he died of a heart attack in late October.
As more people spoke, a portrait emerged of a man who listened well, spoke honestly, acted thoughtfully, and loved unconditionally. He loved good food and was an excellent cook. His enchiladas were legendary, and he knew how to throw a good party. He had a wicked sense of humor, a cackling laugh, and theatrical flair.
References were made to Ron’s various businesses – a used car lot, a costume rental shop, and the vampire fang business, Fangtastics. When one speaker asked who in the room had ever packed Ron’s fangs for shipping, half the hands went up.
After being drafted into the military and serving in Germany during the Vietnam War, he became a peace activist and helped veterans reintegrate after the war. He had his own struggles with addiction, which he overcame with treatment before he moved to New Mexico in the 1980s. He sponsored many of the men who got up to speak. They all commented on his unconditional love for each one of them, and how he provided a living example of integrity through adversity.
One friend said, “I can hear his voice saying, ‘People die! Get over it!’” Another speaker suggested, “Say what you have to say, you might not be here tomorrow. Tell people you love them now.”
There were plenty of bear hugs and tears as each member of Ron’s extended family spoke their piece. His cremated remains have been scattered in the wind.
Ron Sheppeard, your memory lives on through the many people you have helped.
Filed under: 30 Day Challenge, Memorable Life Celebrations | Tags: 30 Day Challenge, memorial services
Family and friends of Oscar Syme, M.D., 91, came together to remember him and celebrate his life in a story-filled non-religious service at the University of New Mexico Memorial Chapel.
Oscar was a pediatrician for 38 years in Albuquerque, providing practical, no-nonsense, compassionate medical care for thousands of children and soothing their anxious parents. He was recognized everywhere he went in town, and his children and grandchildren still get the question, “Are you related to THE Dr. Syme?”
He was born in 1919 on a ranch near Laramie, Wyoming and was inspired to become a physician at the age of nine. That’s when he became seriously ill and local doctor came to care for him, staying at the ranch a few days until he got well. From a small cow town in Wyoming during the Depression, Oscar used his brilliant mind to secure scholarships for college. He became one of those doctors who made house calls.
He knew he wanted to be a physician, but it wasn’t until he served as a doctor at a military base in the Philippines during World War II that he decided to be a pediatrician. His medical school and residency training took place in New York City, where he met and married his wife Miriam, who was the breadwinner during that time. They returned to Albuquerque where he opened his pediatrics practice in 1949.
Those who eloquently spoke about Oscar included his three children, two grandchildren, several in-laws, brother, neighbors and colleagues. They painted a portrait of a dedicated doctor, father, fly fisher, golfer, and master gardener. Their stories richly detailed a tremendously active man of many talents with a deep love of life.
One son did a show-and-tell presentation with several items: the bamboo fly rod his father inherited from his father, one of many putters Dad hoped would be the magic wand that would improve his score a few points, and a handmade carpentry box used to this day.
The daughter talked about how Dad would read to her at bedtime when she was a child and showed the Dr. Seuss book that was her favorite. She spoke of how Oscar was always buying his wife jewelry for birthdays and special events. He always got lovely pieces that she asked for, until the year she didn’t specify anything in particular and he gave her a “dust buster.” That didn’t sit too well, and in penance he brought her breakfast in bed every month on the 12th, her birth date. On her next birthday, Oscar gave his wife a “dust buster” made of turquoise, which the daughter wore proudly around her neck.
Oscar was famous for wearing bow ties and being a lifelong learner, hiking the La Luz Trail for the first time at the age of 80, backpacking with a homemade tent and sleeping bag, and being a great photographer who made slide shows every Christmas that detailed the family’s year. The vegetables and flowers he grew were legendary. He was a jogger before jogging was popular.
Dr. Omar Legant, whose friendship with “Ozzie” goes back to the 1940s, spoke fondly of times spent fishing and golfing with him. He also mentioned Oscar’s descent into Alzheimers disease toward the end of his life, saying, “It seems customary at memorial services to share amusing stories, but I can’t think of anything funny… It’s painful to see a fine mind unravel and drift away.”
The service ended with the observation that “We did a good job of celebrating his life today.” Everyone was invited to the youngest son’s home for a reception to continue the conversation.
Dr. Oscar Syme, your spirit lives on in the many people you have touched. As your youngest son said, we mourn your passing and celebrate the magnificent being that you were and still are.
