“Don’t make any changes for a year” is the conventional wisdom given to widows and widowers after their spouse dies. However, it’s not always the best financial advice.
Jim Schwartz, CFP, DCFA, Senior Advisor with Strategic Wealth Advisors, has written an eBook titled Financial Challenges Facing a Bereaved Spouse or Partner that looks at specific financial problems to identify and avoid, especially in the first year.
Schwartz explained, “Some bereaved individuals interpret ‘Don’t make any changes for a year’ as ‘Don’t do a single thing for a year.’ Others, as a result of grieving, simply have no drive to deal with, and therefore avoid, the financial, tax, and legal issues. The reality is overlooking certain issues in the first year can be costly!”
If the spouse or partner who died managed the financial, tax, and legal issues for the household, it’s especially important to take steps to address those areas before too much time goes by.
Schwartz provides this checklist of potential issues to address during the first year (if they apply to you):
- Pay your health insurance premiums (among other important bills).
- Build a spending plan (know what you can or cannot spend).
- Diversify an overly aggressive investment portfolio.
- Monitor all three major credit reports for Identity Theft.
- Update life insurance, annuity, and retirement account beneficiaries.
- Update trust, will, and power of attorney documents.
- If your home is a financial burden, sell it (all else being equal).
- File required IRS tax forms such as the Form 706 estate tax return.
- Take required minimum distributions from IRAs (to avoid 50% penalty).
- Evaluate tax advantages such as Net Operating Losses and Capital Losses.
- Exercise spouse’s employee stock options prior to expiration.
- Disclaim property by the ninth month after the date of death.
- Split an inherited IRA if there is more than one beneficiary.
- If remarriage is likely, run the Remarriage Checklist in the eBook.
Schwartz’s eBook can be downloaded from WidowedCommunity.org. He’ll be speaking at a conference, Tools for the “New Normal” Journey, to be held Friday through Sunday, October 28-30, at Arizona State University, Memorial Union Building, Tempe, Arizona.
Just posted two articles on funeral planning over at my other web site, www.AGoodGoodbye.com. They are:
Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan To Die
In America, death is often regarded as the classic Monty Python routine about the Spanish Inquisition. “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapons are fear, surprise, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.”
Despite the fact that humans have a 100% mortality rate, we don’t expect to die. If you don’t expect to die, you’re unlikely to pre-plan a funeral. And that leads to problems like family discord, higher costs, meaningless rituals, and unnecessary stress added to grief.
And this article:
Save an Arm and a Leg – Pre-Plan to Reduce Funeral Costs
Making funeral arrangements under the duress of grief is akin to buying a car in one afternoon without research because the auto you’ve been driving for years suddenly dies. Buyer’s remorse can set in as soon as you drive off the lot and wonder if you paid too much.
When you shop around before someone dies, with the luxury of time, you can get the best deal possible on products and services. Once you have a dead body on your hands, you are not in a position, emotionally or time-wise, to shop around.
Hope you’ll check them out!
A recent post by Judith Acosta, LISW, CHT on the Huffington Post provides valuable insights on how to talk to children about death. Quoting from her article:
There are few words that can silence a group of people faster than the word “death.” It is the last great American Taboo. This is an interesting American quirk. We will sit at a table full of people from all walks of life, of all ages and talk about our sex lives, our addiction histories, our dysfunctional families, even disclose our Botox regimens. We talk about things that take us way past the “need-to-know” line.
Yet, we hide our ill and dying in hospitals and hospices. What’s particularly interesting about it to me is that our societal norms have been switched. We once tended to our dying plainly and openly in our parlors and bedrooms — but sex, family and finances were all highly private matters. And what went on between us and our doctors stayed there. Now, we will talk about absolutely anything except the inevitability of loss and the one thing that affects absolutely everyone.
In a world where the pursuit of happiness is the Absolute Value, suffering, loss and grief are anomalies. In some circles, they are even considered a defect of character. I once heard a patient tell her child who had just lost his grandfather, “We just accept it and move on, dear. Tomorrow will be better.” I could see she meant well, but it was clear her child was neither accepting it nor moving on. He was suffering and confused. Our children have not been untouched by this polar reversal in values.
She goes on to talk about how to talk to children when a loved one is dying, as detailed in her book, Verbal First Aid. Click here to read the entire post.
Filed under: Death Cartoons, How-To Tips | Tags: burial, caskets, cemeteries, cremation, funeral planning
My recent experience with a plus-sized person’s death confirms that you pay more when you die fat.
This overweight person had diabetes and died from a fatal heart attack at 54. Not only did the family have to purchase an oversize casket and grave liner (bigger costs more), they paid three times the going rate to the cemetery to dig a grave wide enough to accommodate the larger casket and liner.
The NBC-TV affiliate in Columbus, Ohio just did a news story this week titled Plus-Size People Changing Casket Sizes. With expanding waistlines come expanding caskets and ballooning costs.
If you are obese, losing weight will not only help save your health and perhaps extend the length and quality of your life, it will save your family money after you die. Bigger bodies in oversize burial containers equal more dollars put in the ground.
And if you’re considering cremation, better shop around to find a crematorium that can accommodate added girth – not all providers can carry that load. Think about some funeral planning, even if you don’t plan to die.
For more tips regarding burial of “one of the bigger people,” check out this post: Living, and Dying, Large.
P.S. – The Non Sequitur cartoon for Sunday, May 30 features the creepy Graevsytes kids advertising a weight loss clinic. The flier boasts, “We use a French method, which is so effective we guarantee you’ll lose 10 pounds on your first treatment!” Can you guess what that treatment is?
Three e-books providing valuable information on how to prepare an effective eulogy, poems and readings for funerals and memorial services, and grieving pet loss are now available through my website, www.AGoodGoodbye.com. You may find these helpful for last-minute funeral planning.
The titles currently featured are:
How To Write and Deliver a Great Eulogy in 6 Simple Steps – filled with examples, provides templates for producing effective eulogies on short notice, 100% satisfaction guaranteed.
Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep - 250 poems, quotations, and readings for funerals, memorial services, eulogies, and inner peace.
Recover From The Grief of Pet Loss – How to emotionally cope with the death or loss of a pet. An easy to follow guide that shows you exactly what to do to address the pain.
Other people have written these titles, but if you can benefit from the information in any of these e-books, I hope you’ll check them out.
Yesterday’s F-Minus cartoon showed people standing in line to file past a casket. A woman is giving a dirty look to a younger guy next to her who has a yo-yo dangling from his finger. The kid says, “Well, when is a good time for yo-yo?”
Let’s be clear: A funeral is not a good time for yo-yo, paddle ball, hackey sack, cell phones, iTunes, Blackberries, and any toy or technology that will distract from the proceedings. Funerals and memorial services are a time to be fully present. Here are a few funeral etiquette tips:
While some funerals may have a lighter tone than others, family members are hurting and need the loving attention of their community. Those who come to offer their support need to turn off electronic devices and focus on honoring the memory of the deceased and expressing their condolences to the surviving family.
We all know modes of dress have gotten more revealing, and I’m all for wearing creative clothing in the right settings. Funerals and memorial services are a time to dress modestly. Just as you don’t want to draw attention away from the bride and groom at a wedding, all eyes should stay on the deceased and his or her family at a funeral… not a niece in a micro-mini skirt showing a bare midriff.
If attendees are asked to share memories of the deceased in open comments, stick to positive memories and stories. It’s no time to air old grievances or dirty laundry.
And just like the bride and groom get to leave first at the end of the ceremony, stand and wait as the casket is wheeled out and the family exits before leaving. It’s good if you can attend the reception and speak directly to the mourners after the ceremony to offer your support. If you need to go off to other activities, it’s a nice gesture to send a condolence card with mention of what you thought of the service – only good comments, please!
Have to also mention today’s Close To Home which features another arrival at the Pearly Gates – a golfer who looks a bit fried. St. Peter says, “We sent you THREE warning lightning bolts to get off the course, but you kept playing! We finally just got fed up and nailed you.” Pay attention to those signs of nature!
Caring people send a card, letter, or note of condolence upon hearing news of a death. Taking time out of our busy lives to acknowledge a death and say that the person will be missed helps us better appreciate being alive.
Condolence communications need not be intimidating. Just buying a card and signing your name is easy, but not as comforting to the recipient as it could be. Adding one or two lines on what the deceased person meant to you makes all the difference in the world.
You might consider using sentences such as:
- We loved (name) and we’ll miss (him/her) more than you will know.
- I always admired (his/her) (positive character attribute, such as sense of humor, generosity, knowledge).
- (Name) was a good person and I’m so glad I had the chance to know (him/her).
- In (name’s) honor, we have made a contribution to (organization).
A line in support of the bereaved is also appropriate:
- Please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help.
- I’ll be in touch in another week or so to see how you’re doing.
- May I take you to lunch next week?
Add a few additional sentences with a short story about a memory of the deceased, and you’ll have a beautiful condolence letter. It doesn’t matter if you write on a card, on stationery, or plain old paper. Taking the time to write, address an envelope, and mail your communication speaks volumes. And yes, you may send an email, but remember the family’s routine has been shattered and they may not be online for a while.
A few of you may be thinking, “What if the guy who died was a jerk?” Just leave off your thoughts about the deceased, but still express your support for the family. And even if you’re thinking it, don’t say, “Boy, I bet you’re glad he’s gone!” Relationships are complicated, especially when someone dies.
Today’s Pittsburgh Post-Gazette has a great article by Marylynne Pitz, titled “Donating Your Body to Science.” It’s all about how to donate your body for medical research, how the business of organ and whole body donation works, and things to know about the process.
While she interviewed me for the story, she quoted mostly people in Pittsburgh or Pennsylvania. These were the tips I provided on how to properly donate your body to science and avoid body donation fraud:
Tip 1: Do your research early, before someone dies. There are forms to fill out and consent papers to sign by the person who is doing the donating.
Tip 2: Work with an established medical school or nonprofit organization. Ask a lot of questions. Don’t change plans at the last minute.
Tip 3: Talk to your family about your wishes to donate your body, let them know the choices you have made, and ask that your wishes be honored.
I was glad to see she got the details right on things like who is and is not eligible for whole body donation and other little known information about the process. While I wish my quotes had made it into the piece, it’s an excellent article.
Click here to read the entire article.
Filed under: How-To Tips | Tags: burial, caskets, cemeteries, funeral planning, green burial
In honor of Earth Day, here are some eco-friendly tips for greening your burial and other funeral planning arrangements.
The Green Burial Council has certified over two-dozen burial grounds around the country. As of 2010, you can find them in California, Georgia, Indiana, Michigan, North Carolina, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, South Dakota, Texas, Utah, and Washington.
The Green Burial Council certifies four categories of cemeteries:
Hybrid burial grounds – conventional cemeteries offering the option for burial without a vault or liner, no requirement for embalming, and allowing eco-friendly burial containers.
Low impact burial grounds – cemeteries that have non-toxic and energy-conserving practices, including integrated pest management. They prohibit vaults, liners, bodies embalmed with toxic chemicals and burial containers not made from natural or plant derived materials.
Natural burial grounds – this includes all the low-impact burial ground practices, and they are designed, operated and maintained to produce a naturalistic appearance native to the region’s ecosystem.
Conservation burial grounds – these meet all the requirements for a natural burial ground, and in addition must preserve an area of land in perpetuity with an established conservation organization.
Conservation burial grounds can also serve as wildlife sanctuaries and nature preserves that restore and protect ecosystems. When operated as a nature conservancy, purchasing a burial plot can be a tax-deductible contribution.
As of 2009, the Green Burial Council had certified at least 65 eco-friendly funeral homes in 36 states. If you only have conventional funeral homes in your area, avoid embalming by having the body refrigerated, purchase a plain pine casket, and dress the deceased in cotton or linen clothing, as is done in Jewish and Muslim burial traditions. If the cemetery requires a cement liner, ask for one that is open to the earth on the bottom so the body can truly return to the earth.
Reconsider cremation. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust – cremation does generate CO2 emissions, but ash scattering has a low environmental impact.
Consider a home burial. Most counties allow home burials if the family owns a minimum number of acres and a plat map of the family plot is filed with the county planning department.
Home death care is another rising trend that is allowed in every U.S. state except New York, Connecticut, Delaware, Indiana and Nebraska. It’s what we did before the modern funeral industry became the equivalent of wedding planners for the final life cycle event.
Select burial products made from materials that are nontoxic and biodegradable, such as caskets or urns of soft woods like pine or poplar, body baskets of wicker, and cotton or linen shrouds.
So, here’s a timely “What if?” question. What if your family doesn’t want to carry out your funeral plans?
Suppose you want something really special for your send off, but aren’t sure your heirs will want to carry out your wishes. Say, for example, you want a Viking funeral, where the body is put on a wooden boat that is set ablaze and sent out to sea. How can you make sure your wishes will be carried out?
There are several ways to insure your funeral plans are carried out, according to Steve Hartnett, Associate Director of Education for the American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys.
First, you can put your wishes in your will and name the executor who is responsible for carrying out those wishes. The drawback here is that the will is not read until after the funeral. Unless the executor knows about those special funeral wishes and is involved with the funeral planning, your special send-off may not happen.
Second, you can pre-pay a funeral plan. Hartnett suggests funding a funeral trust, essentially a paid-up insurance policy that would cover the cost of all the arrangements. The trust can be designated to pay a funeral home, but it does not lock in the specific arrangements. There is also the option of pre-planning with a reputable funeral home and pre-paying for specific arrangements, locking in the costs and services. You then let the family know that these arrangements have already been made and paid for.
Third, you can disinherit anyone who objects to your plans, and let your inheritors know this before you die. This strategy is known as an in terrorem (Latin for “to instill terror”) or no contest clause in the will. However, this strategy may not be valid in all states.
Whatever approach is used, it helps to have a personal letter that you keep at home with your important documents that spells out what you want to have happen and ask the family to abide by your wishes.
Hartnett suggests, “Spell out ‘This is what I want to have happen, it’s something I really want to do.’ That way the family knows that you actually thought about it, it’s not just something listed in the trust or the will. It’s something that you really mean and it’s a personal thing. People tend not to want to go against someone’s true last wishes.”
